Oh and One More Thing

Just in case you couldn't find them.

No, No, No, THANK YOU.

There is a bakery in my neighborhood called Gideon's that has gotten into the coffee biz. Lest you forget, there are RULES for drinking coffee in the Heights.

1. MILK is kept in the REFRIGERATOR, PLEASE PUT IT BACK when FINISHED. THANK YOU
2. Do NOT pour any type of liquid into the garbage. Thank you for your assistance.
3. ATTENTION! NO REFILLS
4. NOBODY, BUT THE EMPLOYEES OF GIDEON'S, CAN TOUCH THE COFFEE MACHINE. ~THANK YOU

I have dreams about what went down there with the senior citizen clientele that warranted such excessive, yet oddly polite, signage. I'm thinking Barfly-esque, ear-ripping brawls over creamer, decaf, and inappropriate touching of the coffee machine. The punctuation, emphatic capitalization, and overall tone help transcend their function to art. Behold! ~THANK YOU~

Coffee, Inspiration, and the Roloff Dwarf Mom

We bought the cheapo $3.99 French Roast in a bag coffee from Trader Joe's last week instead of the $6.99 Fair Trade Bolivian Blend in the can and, dear reader, learn from my cautionary tale. It's like drinking toasted gasoline and because we only have skim milk in the house I can take no refuge from its bitterness in butterfat. (One of the only things that the dwarf Roloff mom on TLC's Little people, Big World and I have in common is our loathing of skim milk.) I'm trying to get in the mood here to like, write, for Christ's sake and the coffee just isn't doing it for me. All I can think of is half and half and dwarves and laundry. And all the people I know who have published books. And Prince. And the low battery in my mouse. And what to make for dinner. You see? This is what the coffee situation has reduced me to.