A Collection of Brand New Sentences!

...So if eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich means one less horrifically slaughtered dumb and long-lashed cow, why not? Is meat really so delicious? Well. Sometimes it is. Sometimes, I am obligated to make an exception.

May of Mayhem is going Freaking Fast!

Yes, I'm doing it but it's taking me a while to get in the zone. And my frenemy the Internet, is being really passive/aggressive. Yes, it's a great research and networking tool, yes I'm getting important emails regarding my literary career, no I don't need to look up "Dubstep" on YouTube because a member of Arlainas Rule the World on Facebook told me to.

Ugh.

Meditating helps. I took this Media Bistro course eons ago about how to make time for writing and basically, the secret is meditating. Sitting down for 5-10 minutes with some kind of guided meditation to focus your creative brain was the instructor's big suggestion. And it so works.

Google "guided meditations" and you'll get a slew of mp3's for your ipod.

And I'm starting to FREAK THE FUCK out about my outfit for the One Story Debutante Ball on May 21st... I'm committed to the lurid and over the top fascinator now that the payment went through.

Dear Reader, do I have the balls to carry it off!?

Stay. Tuned.

CAN'T

TALK.

MUST.

WRITE.

Well, not really write, write. Read read read is more like it. And get permissions set up and laid out for my agent.

Meanwhile, I'm in convo with a British Etsy seller about a fascinator for the One-Story Debutant ball...

The Bunker is Ready for the YApocalypse

How to prepare for the MAY OF MAYHEM

1. Talk to an inspiring writer and friend for 58 minutes and talk about writing, art, and deadlines
2. Download Microsoft Word onto your newly refurbished laptop and transfer your files
3. Become Facebook friends with writers you admire
4. Email your agent about how great the edits are going in vague terms
5. After looking up how to install Jibbitz into your surprisingly chic new Crocs on the internet, wear them out on important errands
   
6. Go for lunch (oxtail special) at your favorite Dominican restaurant with your baby and an old friend
7. Spend 27.00 on bizarre headbands, sparkly bracelets and a bedazzled elephant pendant at the 2.99 accessory store
8. Make 2 trays of baked ziti- one for dinner and one to freeze for emergency rations during the May of Mayhem
9. Get quarters for laundry
10. Buy soymilk for a vegan friend who is coming over tomorrow to see you and your new apartment and unbeknownst to her- help you with laundry.
11. Blog about it

Days to May of Mayhem: 5

The Pacific- on HBO

My husband insists I watch it.

It's a testament to the horror and futility of war.

It honors the vets and the human toll of needless violence.

It's very literary! Two of the main characters in it are soldier writers.

History can't be swept under the rug!

Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

You can't watch nothing but Glee, Arlaina.

But all day, all I can think of is that scene where the creepy guy is tossing pebbles into the dead Japanese soldier's skull and that horrible noise they made when the hit the brain slosh. Until I'm so depressed I can hardly stand it.

Plink.

Plink.

Plink.

Ugh.

No.

War.

God.

In other news... Days to May of Mayhem: 6

Thank you, Mr. LaValle...

I have the honor- nay the privilege- of having one Mr. Victor LaValle do me the honor of "presenting" me at the One-Story Debutante Ball on May 21st. When I was first invited to be a debutante for what is sure to be the literary event of the decade, I was, to be sure, thrilled! Only then did they tell me that I needed to find an established writer who has been a mentor to me to take one night from their busy schedule to parade me down an aisle so I could curtsey and hawk my Young Adult novel that still has no name... This, dear reader, proved to be rather tricky. And then I thought of my old pal, Victor. While we were at Columbia together, he was a mysterious dreadlocked figure with scathing talent and a gigantic heart whose short stories had electrified the entire writing program. And now he is one of the most exciting and acclaimed novelists of our generation and he is going to present me at this crazy ball. And he lives in my neighborhood so, hopefully, we can share a ride uptown from Brooklyn. ! And I genuinely like him and have been inspired by him and think that we are a delightful match. And I can't wait and you should buy ALL of his books~!

DAYS TO MAY OF MAYHEM: 10

MAY OF MAYHEM: Pre-party

So I have arranged my life in such a way where I have precisely one month to finish the first edits on my YA novel. The month of May. THE MAY OF MAYHEM. This month of April has been dedicated to:

1. Getting the apartment in shape so the babysitter can find food and diapers with ease.

2.Purging my life of draining negativity- yes a tall order but life is short, goodness only please! (I know that is so Oprahnic but there you go).

3. Buying summer shoes before they are all sold out online and city-wide (See photos. The tattoo heart is a thing that goes on the Croc. Like, a shoe earring. Oh, you know what I'm talking about).

4. Getting ready emotionally and physically for The One-Story Debutante Ball!

5. Getting the baby to love Enfamil...

6. Reading edgy dark YA (Crash into Me, for instance) to prep me for my er, masterpiece.

7. Planning one giant trip to Ikea for kid furniture and a mirror or two.

8. Laundry.

May is also filled with friends' readings, A great big non-fiction Pen Parentis reading, One-Story Debutante Ball, Kentucky Derby, Mother's Day and medical bill paying... When I say mayhem I mean May Hem!

DAYS TO MAY OF MAYHEM: 12

The French!

A friend of mine is in Paris, galavanting about in false mustaches and bangs, buying African art at French auctions, and living her artistic life in ways I can only dream of amid my boxes and baby food grinding. She implored me to find "someone trustworthy" to watch my baby so we could spend some quality friend time together and we will when she returns. I love that although we are both parents, we are not mommy friends, that she wants to escort me to the Otto Dix show at the Neue Gallerie, and that she knows of my obsession with Weimar Germany. In her honor and to celebrate the forthcoming arrival of my editor letter and my upcoming May of Mayhem in which I hire a full-time babysitter and write 125 pages of my book: I bought a fitted black blazer. I am wearing the shit out of it because it is awesome. I took it to the tailor down the street ala What Not to Wear so they could hem the sleeves and move the button. When I dropped it off, it felt like I was leaving my puppy at the pound. Bon Voyage!